03 March 2008

Rural's Thoughts While Watching . . .

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls



- Petronella Danforth, Z Man Barzell, Lance Rocke, Emerson Thorne, Ashley St. Ives, Baxter Wolfe . . . I'm not sure the characters actually HAD names (thanks IMDB), but these sound like characters out of a porno.

- This is a porno.

- BOOBS!

- If they're going to make me sit through full-length performances of this girl group, it would help if they didn't suck.

- I can't tell the difference between these two brunette girls.

- David Gurian is attractive . . . even while bopping around in a turtleneck.

- Are we POSITIVE Roger Ebert wrote this? Because I refuse to believe this isn't completely ad libbed.

- BOOBS!


- What is the editor's aversion to letting people end sentences?

- Why does everyone in this movie bleed neon orange?

- I can't follow this whole B plot. Why is what's-her-face trying to get money from that one guy? Does it really matter?

- Did she just say 'Up yours, square,"?

- For being 'revolutionary' and 'hip', they still can't resist hooking the black girl up with only black guys.

- I think someone accidentally spliced in a light saturated, slow motion running sequence from a Barbra Streisand concert special.

- Wait? He raped her? When?

- BOOBS!

- I'm pretty sure you wouldn't survive a jump from the rafters of an auditorium . . .

- . . . but, if you did, I'd imagine you wouldn't be wheeling around so soon afterwards.

- She got over that rape and that abortion awful quick . . .

- . . . and now she's a lesbian.


- MAN IN A LEOPARD THONG!

- I think that Z Man is supposed to be losing his mind at the end, but he isn't really acting any crazier than usual . . .

- . . . although this is the first time he has chopped someone's head off with a sword.

5 comments:

Cal said...

I watched this for the first time the other day. Crazy! I have no idea where that lesbian part came from either. Weird. Also.. what is with the voice over at the end?

Rural Juror said...

I honestly didn't make it to the end. After the beheading, I relaized it was 4 am, and I would've been better off sleeping.

Kamikaze Camel said...

That movie was very bizarre. I couldn't follow it either. I didn't understand why he was suddenly running around killing people. I wish the DVD I had was the one with Ebert's commentary on it. That would've been... interesting.

Anonymous said...

Hey!!! you have a blog!!! (this is emily) I've never seen this movie. I was going to, but then I realised that this is perfect, this why i get the highlights in 2 minutes, not 2 hours. SWEET!!

Rural Juror said...

I know like 27 Emilys. Care to be more specific? :)