06 May 2009

Rural's (SUPER) Lazy American Idol Snark-cap

Top 4 Perform

Honestly, I have nothing to say about tonight. Seriously . . . How incredibly uninspiring was that? I can barely remember what anyone sang because I was so bored. When you manage to get the walking cluster fuck that is Slash to appear on your reality show, and you still produce an uninteresting hour of crap, the problem begins and ends with you.

The performances? Ummm . . . Let's see. Adam went first for what I think is the first time ever. He wore sparkly green eyeliner and sang in falsetto. Shocker. Allison's hair has purple in it now, and she sang a Janis Joplin song that her voice wasn't gravely enough to pull off. Kris and Danny sang a duet in character as two estranged, drunk brothers singing karaoke at a family reunion. Kris shook his cute little ass around in some tight-ish jeans on stage and sang The Beatles. So pretty. Pity he'll probably leave tomorrow. Danny sang an Aerosmith song and delivered, probably, the worst sung note of the entire season. Adam and Allison did something that had lots of light effects. Kara had bad hair.

I'm all out.

Completely Subjective Favorites Ranking

1. Kris Allen's ass
Kris Allen's skin
3. Kris Allen's lips
4. Adam and Allison's hair

5. Something about singing or whatever

Hi. I'm Kris Allen's ass. Don't you wanna rock the vote (wink wink)?


ePastor James said...

[In Lucille Bluth mode] Mmm, that hairrrr....

Yeah, thank you. A bunch of the regular people I discuss the clusterfuck with loved tonight. (Preston has gone from sensible fan to major tard.) But anyway....Yeah, wtf?! Everything just kinda passed by, like a marathon of Clearasil commercials. What a waste of time. I would've rather watched Debbie fall down the stairs and that Idol orb explode and kill a gaggle of vanilla whores. Nothing tonight evoked love from me.

And it makes it worse that Kris is gonna get screwed out of the prerequisite Top 3 Hometown trip and lovefest that he so deserves for being the champion of musical sensibility this season. You're still the best, you delicious sexmuffin!

However, I suppose it was all worth it for Danny's hilarious cat strangulation....

ePastor James said...

P.S. I'm back on AIM and MSN, so sign on sometime and we can do the oh, so familiar catch-up thang.

ePastor James said...



ePastor James said...

Ya know, I'm rather eager for your next recap of the Top 3 performances/results. I thought you'd be more compelled what with this being the dream finale and all =).