28 January 2008

The SAG Awards: A Story in Pictures

Now, I COULD talk about what the surprise win by Ruby Dee means to the Oscar race or the touching tribute given by Daniel Day Lewis to Heath Ledger, but I think I'll just poke fun and make wild assumptions instead.

First of all, this has got to stop.

I'm SORRY, but there is a difference between scruff and nasty looking laziness. When did razors go out of vogue? Seriously . . .

LOOK, JUST LOOK. Take note male celebrities . . . you aren't being different or anti-establishment anymore. You're just following a trend.

At this point, showing up to an awards show looking like you DIDN'T wake up from a bender three minutes ago is a statement.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY is shaven . . . MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY. When Mr. Yeehaw looks classier than you, it's time to reconsider.

Still, it beats showing up dressed in costume as your eccentric aunt* . . .

. . . or Norma Desmond . . .

. . . or should I say Mrs. Robinson?

Lest you think I'm being ageist, I will say that Michelle Pfeiffer was looking as hot as ever.

LOOK! The stage just got 50% douchier.

Speaking of douchebags, guess what you are if you wear sunglasses indoors?

Maybe he's hung over from a wild party the day before.

And maybe he went with Kristen Stewart.

Speaking of completely made up celebrity couples, someone at the SAG Awards was doing their job.

That's two amazingly gorgeous people. The cheekbones . . . oh, the cheekbones.

But really, how fantastic did Kate Beckinsale look?

I can't wait for Snow Angels.

But back to celebrity couples. Last night, some were hot . . .

. . . and some were decidedly not

Have you heard the rumor about her being pregnant? Who wants to bet the baby comes out Vietnamese? Any takers?

Vietnam . . . Asians . . . that reminds me. I love Sandra OH, but no.


Moving on, I don't think Mickey Rooney really understood what was going on.

By looking at that picture, you would THINK he was being honored last night. He wasn't, but he gave a speech anyway. He had a nice little joke about opening envelopes, though, so I'll let it slide.

Unfortunately, Mickey wasn't the only old timer who seemed a little . . . overwhelmed by the proceedings.

No, I don't mean Charles Durning. Poor Burt Reynolds, he looked pretty used up. Maybe he just came from a party . . .

. . . probably the same one Kristen Stewart was at.


I love that hat rack.

Congratulations go out to all the winners.

And last, but not least . . . Casey Affleck. Just because no one took a picture of you last night doesn't mean I didn't see you chewing gum when your name was announced. Come on now. Don't pretend like you'd rather not be there. We all know you're full of it.

This was all in good fun, just to be clear. I'm a fan of 90% of these people. These are just some observations I had to share.

*Let it be known that I adore Jane Krakowski, but that dress was crazy . . . endearingly so.


Mr. Movie Geek said...

I seriously love you RJ. Like, a lot.

James Henry said...

This was all sorts of amazing. I must say, though, that I didn't mind Ryan Gosling's beard (and I normally HATE beards). I think it worked for him.

I gotta say that I loved Casey Affleck's assholian expressions during Best Supporting Actor. He so obviously did not want to be there and he made sure everyone knew it. Beautiful.

Vance said...

Oh thank you for noting the nasty beard trend.

Cal said...

Haha. Hilarious review.

I want to defend Adrian Grenier's beard though. I think it gives him some much-needed worldliness. He always seems to look like a lost puppy.

That Sandra Oh dress is soo funny!

Kitty said...

the beards are most likely strike-beards until the writer's strike is over.

Rural Juror said...

those beards have been around a lot longer than the strike has

sora said...

You have no idea how much I want Ben Foster, beard or not. ;)

Kamikaze Camel said...

To be honest, Casey's wife DID just give birth to a child, like, two weeks ago so I'm sure he was only there due to contractual agreement.


This was BRILLIANT! Loved it sooo much. Kristen Stewart!!!!!

adam k. said...

Some of the beards worked for me, some did not. Ryan Gosling can basically make anything work. But Viggo's was a resounnding "NO." Adrien Grenier looked like a werewolf.

I LOVED Debra Messing's ridiculous getup, though. The hair! It was so insane I just had to give it props.

But I think Kate Beckinsale's "look, I'm YELLOW" look was a bit much. She looked like a highlighter with skin.

And WTF did Burt Reynolds do to his face, and why didn't I really notice till now?? He has the face of a disfigured child now. How unfortunate.

Emma said...

I love this blog.

Melissa said...

quick, witty perfection.

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