Now, I COULD talk about what the surprise win by Ruby Dee means to the Oscar race or the touching tribute given by Daniel Day Lewis to Heath Ledger, but I think I'll just poke fun and make wild assumptions instead.
First of all, this has got to stop.
I'm SORRY, but there is a difference between scruff and nasty looking laziness. When did razors go out of vogue? Seriously . . .
LOOK, JUST LOOK. Take note male celebrities . . . you aren't being different or anti-establishment anymore. You're just following a trend.
At this point, showing up to an awards show looking like you DIDN'T wake up from a bender three minutes ago is a statement.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY is shaven . . . MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY. When Mr. Yeehaw looks classier than you, it's time to reconsider.
Still, it beats showing up dressed in costume as your eccentric aunt* . . .
. . . or Norma Desmond . . .
. . . or should I say Mrs. Robinson?
Lest you think I'm being ageist, I will say that Michelle Pfeiffer was looking as hot as ever.
LOOK! The stage just got 50% douchier.
Speaking of douchebags, guess what you are if you wear sunglasses indoors?
Maybe he's hung over from a wild party the day before.
And maybe he went with Kristen Stewart.
Speaking of completely made up celebrity couples, someone at the SAG Awards was doing their job.
That's two amazingly gorgeous people. The cheekbones . . . oh, the cheekbones.
But really, how fantastic did Kate Beckinsale look?
I can't wait for Snow Angels.
But back to celebrity couples. Last night, some were hot . . .
. . . and some were decidedly not
Have you heard the rumor about her being pregnant? Who wants to bet the baby comes out Vietnamese? Any takers?
Vietnam . . . Asians . . . that reminds me. I love Sandra OH, but no.
Moving on, I don't think Mickey Rooney really understood what was going on.
By looking at that picture, you would THINK he was being honored last night. He wasn't, but he gave a speech anyway. He had a nice little joke about opening envelopes, though, so I'll let it slide.
Unfortunately, Mickey wasn't the only old timer who seemed a little . . . overwhelmed by the proceedings.
No, I don't mean Charles Durning. Poor Burt Reynolds, he looked pretty used up. Maybe he just came from a party . . .
. . . probably the same one Kristen Stewart was at.
TINA FEY WON! TINA FEY WON! TINA FEY WON!
I love that hat rack.
Congratulations go out to all the winners.
And last, but not least . . . Casey Affleck. Just because no one took a picture of you last night doesn't mean I didn't see you chewing gum when your name was announced. Come on now. Don't pretend like you'd rather not be there. We all know you're full of it.
This was all in good fun, just to be clear. I'm a fan of 90% of these people. These are just some observations I had to share.
*Let it be known that I adore Jane Krakowski, but that dress was crazy . . . endearingly so.