Breakin' Down the Tony Awards

That about sums it up, I think. Clearly, the best moment of the night other than Brett Michaels' attack by a descending Broadway wall. Death by jazz hands.

Other than that . . . I thought it went pretty well. Neil Patrick Harris was decent, if upstaged by his SHINY SHINY suit (I especially loved the bitchy, Jeremy Piven-sushi bit), and Jane Fonda was there and looking FAB-U-LOUS, which makes me a happy camper.

Plus, GROWN UP KIRSTEN DUNST WAS THERE!

Samantha Mathis could cure cancer, and I would still remember her as Amy in Little Women.

Let's see . . . What else? There was an uncomfortable amount of men who thanked their wives, but Liza Minelli was there so it was all still pretty gay.

Yeah. Still crazy. But she's so much fun to watch, especially when that guy with a mullet from Rock of Ages was talking dirty to her.

And I AM SORRY, but did the music start to cut off Liza at one point? Do not make her come down off that stage. She will turn this car around.

There was a lot of hotness there, too, especially from those Hair boys in their tight jeans and hippie shirts. I wish I was Geoffrey Rush, for the first time ever.

But we also got Aaron Tveit from Next to Normal who I JUST realized was Nate's stuck up cousin on "Gossip Girl," on that episode where Vanessa whined and sulked in the corner for an hour (or is that every episode?) Anyway, yes please.

I was also rather fond of the actor playing Tony, i.e. his arms and the way his jeans fit.

I am not EXACTLY sure, however, why a gangster is dressed like he just stepped out of an Old Navy catalog or why he chose to wear that ensemble to a dance. A dance in a gym featuring the gayest looking basketball hoop ever realized.

Also, Karen Olivo is gorgeous.

And this makes no sense to me:

How . . . ?

I would also like to say that if I never hear the song 'Dancing Queen' again, it will be too soon. That song is TIRED. Why was Mamma Mia even there? At least sing a more interesting number. Christ!

In that same vein, note to awards' show producers. You tried it at the Oscars. You tried it here. Having two different sets of people performing two completely different songs at the same time does not work. It just becomes a jumbled mess of Puerto Rican ladies and Depression era gangsters wandering around the stage.

These kids will make three lucky girls very happy someday . . .

So, in short, the Tony Awards were shamelessly gay, shiny, geeky, and over-the-top. What else did you expect?

All the big names were there: Jane Fonda, Liza Minelli, Elton John, Dolly Parton, Harvey Fierstein and the small community of Keebler Elves that live in his throat, and John Stamos. Really, the only way it would have been better is if someone thought to invite Kristen Stewart.

Hiccup.

She probably would have fit right in!