Rural's Thoughts While Watching . . .

The Apple (1980)


- I don't wanna, like, call out the emperor on his new clothes or anything, but this new BIM Mark the characters keep raving about is a sticker. You would think in a future as crazy as 1994 is going to be that we might not be so easily impressed.

- Hmmm . . . what is it EXACTLY about the protagonists that just doesn't seem right. Ah! Now I have it. They are (how can I put this?) boring, and their songs are syrupy disasters. I kind of prefer the cheesy, over produced ridiculousness of the songs produced by . . . I guess he's the devil (?)

- Also, why are they dressed in hand me down J.C. Penney fashions in a movie populated by characters dressed by the House of Ziggy Stardust?

- Actually, yeah, I'm just gonna admit right now that some of these songs are infectious. You listen to them once, and there's really no
getting rid of them.


- So the flamboyant man with the voice of a night club crooner who wears silver capes and lip gloss is fooling around with the female singer? Uh-huh.

- "Meet an actual, actual, actual VAMPIRE!" Oh, a vampire. That's . . . fun, I guess. It's hard to rhyme with 'desire'.

- From New York out to LA, everybody does it her way. Poppin' power, by the hour. SPEEEEEEEEEED!"

- Finally a music number revolving around date rape. Can't tell you how long I've been waiting.

- Bet you can't guess what the song 'Coming' is about!

- I would have chosen the hot singer with the triangle on his forehead, myself. He's a little less . . . useless.

-Ummm . . . I'm just gonna go ahead and call this the strangest recorded case of deus ex machina since the term was coined. Either I'm losing my mind, or God just descended from the sky in a Cadillac and whisked our heroes and their hippie commune off to Mars.

Turner Classic Movies showed this as part of it TCM Underground series this Friday night/Saturday morning as a double bill with another crap classic: Roller Boogie. It stars Linda Blair, but the only real reason to see it is for lots of Jim Bray in those fab short shorts they seem to have loved so much back in the day.

Who loves short shorts?

I love short shorts!

He is not, unfortunately, a great actor so watching Linda Blair come onto him so strongly in the beginning of the film comes across a little TOO . . . predatory. She just seems much more, err, EXPERIENCED than he does.

Wanna take a ride with me and my car phone, little boy? Grrrrrrrr.

Luckily, director Mark L. Lester has moved on to directing bigger and better things . . . Cameron Daddo taking on cheap CGI dinosaurs on the Sci Fi channel, for instance